"I told her I had a match but she wasn't having any of it."
Sir Alex Ferguson reveals who really owns the hair-dryer in his household after wife Cathy told him he would be missing a friendly to help her move house. "I am a Championship manager but you mustn't treat it like the actual computer game, 'Championship Manager'."
Bristol City boss Gary Johnson after the 2-2 draw with QPR in, you guessed it, the Championship. "If I was to declare an interest in this job the Tartan Army would string me up."
Scotland boss Alex McLeish on why he won't be vacating his job any time soon, despite a recent approach from a Premier League club. "You don't like Batesy and you don't particularly like me, but at the end of the day...you've got us."
Dennis Wise tells Leeds fans how it is. "I will probably get a lot of sticks again this season."
Manchester City boss Sven-Goran Eriksson twigs what's going on. "Jens changed his mind but wasn't quick enough to respond to his brain."
Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger on the howler by keeper Jens Lehmann that allowed David Healy to fire Fulham in front at the Emirates. "I was excited and it takes a lot to get me excited...ask my wife!"
Roy Keane is so excited - and he just can't hide it after Sunderland's opening day win over Spurs.
Sir Alex Ferguson reveals who really owns the hair-dryer in his household after wife Cathy told him he would be missing a friendly to help her move house. "I am a Championship manager but you mustn't treat it like the actual computer game, 'Championship Manager'."
Bristol City boss Gary Johnson after the 2-2 draw with QPR in, you guessed it, the Championship. "If I was to declare an interest in this job the Tartan Army would string me up."
Scotland boss Alex McLeish on why he won't be vacating his job any time soon, despite a recent approach from a Premier League club. "You don't like Batesy and you don't particularly like me, but at the end of the day...you've got us."
Dennis Wise tells Leeds fans how it is. "I will probably get a lot of sticks again this season."
Manchester City boss Sven-Goran Eriksson twigs what's going on. "Jens changed his mind but wasn't quick enough to respond to his brain."
Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger on the howler by keeper Jens Lehmann that allowed David Healy to fire Fulham in front at the Emirates. "I was excited and it takes a lot to get me excited...ask my wife!"
Roy Keane is so excited - and he just can't hide it after Sunderland's opening day win over Spurs.
"I'm very happy inside but what do you want me to do? Jump on the table? Strip?"
Well he's smiling on the inside anyway. "All the manager said was 'Well done and I will see you at 10am for training'."
Goal hero Michael Chopra confirms Roy's elated state of mind. "I'll celebrate with a green tea and a chocolate biscuit."
At least Keano will be partying in the wild manner of old. "Entertaining? Too much!"
Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho after the roller-coaster 3-2 win over Birmingham. "Don't turn your back on the wall. Get hit in the b*******, get hit in the nose, get hit in the gob, knock your f****** crowns out. I'm not bothered what you do but do not take it on the a*** and let it spin into the top corner of the goal, which is what happened."
Wolves manager Mick McCarthy takes Watford's late free kick equaliser well. And don't get him started on their last-minute winner. "What was wrong with us? Apart from the fact that we couldn't defend properly and we couldn't attack properly..."
Watford boss Aidy Boothroyd was delighted to come away from Molineux with three points. "He's a crafty old devil."
Sam Allardyce after Sir Alex Ferguson tipped Newcastle to finish in the top four this season. "I was made to stand on a chair and sing Lulu's 'Shout' to the lads as part of the initiation...it was only after I'd finished - and they'd stopped laughing - that I found out I was the only new player to do it."
Bristol City new boy Lee Trundle is singing from a different hymn sheet to the rest of his team-mates. AND SOME FROM YOU Chick Young: "Lee, has that yellow card had been rescinded?"
Lee Wallace: "No, it's been taken away."
Chick Young's post-match interview with Lee Wallace after the Aberdeen-Hearts game. (Carina, Scotland).
Well he's smiling on the inside anyway. "All the manager said was 'Well done and I will see you at 10am for training'."
Goal hero Michael Chopra confirms Roy's elated state of mind. "I'll celebrate with a green tea and a chocolate biscuit."
At least Keano will be partying in the wild manner of old. "Entertaining? Too much!"
Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho after the roller-coaster 3-2 win over Birmingham. "Don't turn your back on the wall. Get hit in the b*******, get hit in the nose, get hit in the gob, knock your f****** crowns out. I'm not bothered what you do but do not take it on the a*** and let it spin into the top corner of the goal, which is what happened."
Wolves manager Mick McCarthy takes Watford's late free kick equaliser well. And don't get him started on their last-minute winner. "What was wrong with us? Apart from the fact that we couldn't defend properly and we couldn't attack properly..."
Watford boss Aidy Boothroyd was delighted to come away from Molineux with three points. "He's a crafty old devil."
Sam Allardyce after Sir Alex Ferguson tipped Newcastle to finish in the top four this season. "I was made to stand on a chair and sing Lulu's 'Shout' to the lads as part of the initiation...it was only after I'd finished - and they'd stopped laughing - that I found out I was the only new player to do it."
Bristol City new boy Lee Trundle is singing from a different hymn sheet to the rest of his team-mates. AND SOME FROM YOU Chick Young: "Lee, has that yellow card had been rescinded?"
Lee Wallace: "No, it's been taken away."
Chick Young's post-match interview with Lee Wallace after the Aberdeen-Hearts game. (Carina, Scotland).
"Liverpool are moving forward with all the menace of a Great White off the Cornish Coast."
Steve Wilson commentating on Liverpool attacking against Aston Villa. (John Ossawy, N Ireland). "The South African has got the hump about that, adopting the double teapot and staring around at the Indian players as if he's just got back from the shops to find them all naked in his living room."
Ben Dirs, TMS live text of England-India. (Zia Rahman, England). "Both sides' supporters are singing the same chant - 'There's only one Keano' - which makes them both wrong, to be honest."
Match of the Day commentator during Sunderland-Spurs. (Roel Eggens, Netherlands). "Diop should watch out, he could get a second booking for time-wasting after that shot."
Setanta commentator after Papa Bouba Diop's shot goes miles wide against Arsenal. (David, USA). "There's the buffet ball by James Anderson. Help yourself!"
David Lloyd after Anderson got hit for four against India. (Ben Aynsley, England). "It was one of them 90-minute games."
Matt Oakley after his first game in the Premier League for Derby. (Daniel Grey, Middlesbrough). "That's a prime example of a player putting their team before their family!"
MOTD commentator when Villa's Craig Gardner saved a Liverpool shot with his wedding tackle. (Bucko, UK). "Look at the replay and you'll see that Sean Lamont totally exposes himself."
Pundit's comment as Scotland concede a try to Ireland. (Brian, U.A.E.).
Steve Wilson commentating on Liverpool attacking against Aston Villa. (John Ossawy, N Ireland). "The South African has got the hump about that, adopting the double teapot and staring around at the Indian players as if he's just got back from the shops to find them all naked in his living room."
Ben Dirs, TMS live text of England-India. (Zia Rahman, England). "Both sides' supporters are singing the same chant - 'There's only one Keano' - which makes them both wrong, to be honest."
Match of the Day commentator during Sunderland-Spurs. (Roel Eggens, Netherlands). "Diop should watch out, he could get a second booking for time-wasting after that shot."
Setanta commentator after Papa Bouba Diop's shot goes miles wide against Arsenal. (David, USA). "There's the buffet ball by James Anderson. Help yourself!"
David Lloyd after Anderson got hit for four against India. (Ben Aynsley, England). "It was one of them 90-minute games."
Matt Oakley after his first game in the Premier League for Derby. (Daniel Grey, Middlesbrough). "That's a prime example of a player putting their team before their family!"
MOTD commentator when Villa's Craig Gardner saved a Liverpool shot with his wedding tackle. (Bucko, UK). "Look at the replay and you'll see that Sean Lamont totally exposes himself."
Pundit's comment as Scotland concede a try to Ireland. (Brian, U.A.E.).
"Sven's back in the firing squad."
Lee Dixon on Football Focus, implying that Manchester City's opponents had better watch out for stray bullets! (David Sims, England). "Danny Brown is on thin ice now, and on a hot day that's not where you want to be."
BBC Radio Cambridgeshire commentator Mark Johnson during Cambridge United's 2-1 win at York. (Chris, England). "If you're going to get in behind Rio Ferdinand you've got to show him what you've got and then go in hard."
Jamie Redknapp summarising Florent Malouda's goal in the Community Shield. (Chris, England). "It's going to be hard enough breaking into the team, let alone the squad."
Chelsea's Steve Sidwell on Football Focus. (Adam G, UK). "A piece of breaking news, that trumpet is a cornet. Some more breaking news, its a soprano trumpet. I'm also being told it could be a B-flat cornet. But we do, in fact, know that it is not a guitar, a grand piano or a cello."
David Gower puzzles about the trumpeter's instrument on day two of the Test at The Oval, much to the amusement of co-commentator Ravi Shastri. (Steve, England). "Vaughan looks as if he's just been told that he can't go and play golf with his mates because he's got to pick up his mother-in-law from the airport."
Ben Dirs's comedy commentary on the BBC website. (Ade O'Connor, Harrow).
Lee Dixon on Football Focus, implying that Manchester City's opponents had better watch out for stray bullets! (David Sims, England). "Danny Brown is on thin ice now, and on a hot day that's not where you want to be."
BBC Radio Cambridgeshire commentator Mark Johnson during Cambridge United's 2-1 win at York. (Chris, England). "If you're going to get in behind Rio Ferdinand you've got to show him what you've got and then go in hard."
Jamie Redknapp summarising Florent Malouda's goal in the Community Shield. (Chris, England). "It's going to be hard enough breaking into the team, let alone the squad."
Chelsea's Steve Sidwell on Football Focus. (Adam G, UK). "A piece of breaking news, that trumpet is a cornet. Some more breaking news, its a soprano trumpet. I'm also being told it could be a B-flat cornet. But we do, in fact, know that it is not a guitar, a grand piano or a cello."
David Gower puzzles about the trumpeter's instrument on day two of the Test at The Oval, much to the amusement of co-commentator Ravi Shastri. (Steve, England). "Vaughan looks as if he's just been told that he can't go and play golf with his mates because he's got to pick up his mother-in-law from the airport."
Ben Dirs's comedy commentary on the BBC website. (Ade O'Connor, Harrow).
"If you were a mosquito, would you take on Tom Huddlestone? I'd stay well clear!"
BBC London commentator on Tom Huddlestone's ever-increasing physique before the Sunderland-Spurs match. (Joe Garod, London). "We can beat the best on our day but we can also put in some pretty sub-standard performances and that is what we are looking to do."
E ngland's chairman of selectors, David Graveney, doesn't quite say what he means while announcing the squad for the NatWest Series against India. (Fauzia M, Tanzania). "Someone should be hung. Whoever is responsible should be hung and shot at dawn in the morning. I'll do the shooting."
C raig Johnston on Sky Sports talking about the problem with football's youth development in England. (Ana Ysabel Bernab�u, Buenos Aires, Argentina). "And as we say in Australia, they've got a lot to do."
Said by a co-commentator during the Derbyshire - Leicestershire Pro40 cricket match. So they only say that in Australia, do they? (Bill, Derbyshire). "Nothing will take the record away from Bonds now, until someone else breaks it that is."
606 user '355gts' on Barry Bonds becoming the all-time home runs leader. (Adam Prater, England). "Sometimes I feel like we've all gone out and bought a cemetery - and everyone's stopped dying."
NRL's Cronulla Sharks coach Ricky Stuart following his team's seventh loss on the trot. (Joe Eizenberg, Bristol).
BBC London commentator on Tom Huddlestone's ever-increasing physique before the Sunderland-Spurs match. (Joe Garod, London). "We can beat the best on our day but we can also put in some pretty sub-standard performances and that is what we are looking to do."
E ngland's chairman of selectors, David Graveney, doesn't quite say what he means while announcing the squad for the NatWest Series against India. (Fauzia M, Tanzania). "Someone should be hung. Whoever is responsible should be hung and shot at dawn in the morning. I'll do the shooting."
C raig Johnston on Sky Sports talking about the problem with football's youth development in England. (Ana Ysabel Bernab�u, Buenos Aires, Argentina). "And as we say in Australia, they've got a lot to do."
Said by a co-commentator during the Derbyshire - Leicestershire Pro40 cricket match. So they only say that in Australia, do they? (Bill, Derbyshire). "Nothing will take the record away from Bonds now, until someone else breaks it that is."
606 user '355gts' on Barry Bonds becoming the all-time home runs leader. (Adam Prater, England). "Sometimes I feel like we've all gone out and bought a cemetery - and everyone's stopped dying."
NRL's Cronulla Sharks coach Ricky Stuart following his team's seventh loss on the trot. (Joe Eizenberg, Bristol).
"He didn't have his body behind that one but luckily he has arms like an orangutan."
Stuart Lovell commenting on the new Hibs goalie during the Edinburgh derby. (Rowan Smith, Scotland). "What, you mean in the Tottenham reserves?"
Steve Bruce's reply to Hossam Ghaly when Ghaly told him they didn't do running at Tottenham during training. (Chris Myles, England). "Look's like Piniella's trying his hardest to get Wood."
ESPN commentator Jon Miller as the Chicago Cubs manager recalls Kerry Wood after a lengthy injury lay-off. (Gary Hall, UK). "Evra's literally left him for dead there."
Jamie Redknapp during the half-time break in the Community Shield. Seems a bit harsh! (Jon Norman, England). CHANTS OF THE WEEK "Santa Cruz is coming to town!"
Blackburn fans welcome new striker Roque Santa Cruz. (Mark, England). "Easy! Easy!"
Reading fans celebrate after their opening-day draw at Old Trafford. (Stuart, Reading). "The referee's a steward!"
Sung by both Reading and Brighton fans as the official was forced to wear a bib due to Reading's black kit. (Tom, England). "Are you stewards in disguise?"
Manchester United fans to all the Chelsea fans in their new day-glo away shirts in the Community Shield. (Alfred Jordan, United Kingdom). "Bring on the Spice Girls."
Toronto FC fans as David Beckham's LA Galaxy made their substitutes. (G Goose, Canada).
Stuart Lovell commenting on the new Hibs goalie during the Edinburgh derby. (Rowan Smith, Scotland). "What, you mean in the Tottenham reserves?"
Steve Bruce's reply to Hossam Ghaly when Ghaly told him they didn't do running at Tottenham during training. (Chris Myles, England). "Look's like Piniella's trying his hardest to get Wood."
ESPN commentator Jon Miller as the Chicago Cubs manager recalls Kerry Wood after a lengthy injury lay-off. (Gary Hall, UK). "Evra's literally left him for dead there."
Jamie Redknapp during the half-time break in the Community Shield. Seems a bit harsh! (Jon Norman, England). CHANTS OF THE WEEK "Santa Cruz is coming to town!"
Blackburn fans welcome new striker Roque Santa Cruz. (Mark, England). "Easy! Easy!"
Reading fans celebrate after their opening-day draw at Old Trafford. (Stuart, Reading). "The referee's a steward!"
Sung by both Reading and Brighton fans as the official was forced to wear a bib due to Reading's black kit. (Tom, England). "Are you stewards in disguise?"
Manchester United fans to all the Chelsea fans in their new day-glo away shirts in the Community Shield. (Alfred Jordan, United Kingdom). "Bring on the Spice Girls."
Toronto FC fans as David Beckham's LA Galaxy made their substitutes. (G Goose, Canada).
"I predict a diet!"
Sung by Spurs fans to a particularly rotund Torino fan in a recent friendly at the Lane. (Adam Cousins, England). A little bit of Collins in our lives
A little bit of Kightly down the sides
A little bit of Keogh's what we need
A little bit of Jarvis with his speed
A little bit of Breeny in defence
A little bit of Murray he's immense
A little bit of cheering from the fans
A little bit of McCarthy he's our man!
Sung by Wolves fans v Reading. (Jack, England). "There's only one Carlos Tevez."
Forest fans to their Sheffield United counterparts during the recent friendly. (Michael Jones, Nottingham). "Stand up if you hate West Ham."
Sung by Blades fans at the opening match of the season. (Claire Rhodes, Kettering). "Monty is an Indian, Monty is an Indian...la, la, la, la, la!"
Sung by India fans to Monty Panesar at Trent Bridge. (Kab Bains, England). "We're going to win the league!"
Optimistic Leeds fans after their opening-day win at Tranmere. Another four in a row and they'll reach the giddy heights of nil points. (John, UK). "You're just a bus-stop in Surrey."
Preston fans not quite grasping the concept of local geography when chanting to Norwich City fans on the opening day of the new season. (Sam Clark, England). "Do you work at B&Q?"
Sung by Leicester fans as they met orange-clad Blackpool in their opening fixture. (James Flynn, England). BANNER OF THE WEEK "We sing better than your wife."
DC United fans have a dig at David Beckham during the LA Galaxy game. (John McKelvie, Scotland).
Sung by Spurs fans to a particularly rotund Torino fan in a recent friendly at the Lane. (Adam Cousins, England). A little bit of Collins in our lives
A little bit of Kightly down the sides
A little bit of Keogh's what we need
A little bit of Jarvis with his speed
A little bit of Breeny in defence
A little bit of Murray he's immense
A little bit of cheering from the fans
A little bit of McCarthy he's our man!
Sung by Wolves fans v Reading. (Jack, England). "There's only one Carlos Tevez."
Forest fans to their Sheffield United counterparts during the recent friendly. (Michael Jones, Nottingham). "Stand up if you hate West Ham."
Sung by Blades fans at the opening match of the season. (Claire Rhodes, Kettering). "Monty is an Indian, Monty is an Indian...la, la, la, la, la!"
Sung by India fans to Monty Panesar at Trent Bridge. (Kab Bains, England). "We're going to win the league!"
Optimistic Leeds fans after their opening-day win at Tranmere. Another four in a row and they'll reach the giddy heights of nil points. (John, UK). "You're just a bus-stop in Surrey."
Preston fans not quite grasping the concept of local geography when chanting to Norwich City fans on the opening day of the new season. (Sam Clark, England). "Do you work at B&Q?"
Sung by Leicester fans as they met orange-clad Blackpool in their opening fixture. (James Flynn, England). BANNER OF THE WEEK "We sing better than your wife."
DC United fans have a dig at David Beckham during the LA Galaxy game. (John McKelvie, Scotland).
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Source: BBC Sport
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