"Sometimes on a day off I go to the Krispy Kreme doughnut shop. When we play at home, I go there after the game and it's like a doughnut party! Everyone is eating doughnuts inside their cars - it's like a disco!"
Cesc Fabregas reveals his Homer Simpson fitness philosophy to the Sun... and it seems to be working. "Rangers did not want to play soccer. They practised, from the first moment, anti-soccer."
Lionel Messi ups the anti, following Barcelona's 0-0 draw at Ibrox. "When you have a bad day at the office, you come to Southend."
Martin Jol indulges in some seaside therapy as he watches Southend v Carlisle. "I couldn't find London on a map if they didn't have the names of the countries. I swear to God. I don't know what nothing is. I know Italy looks like a boot. I know (Washington Redskins linebacker) London Fletcher. We did a football camp together. So I know him. That's the closest thing I know to London. He's black, so I'm sure he's not from London. I'm sure that's a coincidental name."
Miami Dolphins linebacker Channing Crowder ahead of the clash with the New York Giants at Wembley. Americans - gotta love 'em. "We went to a Celtic game and got stuff thrown at us and booed because we had beaten their youth team and they announced it over the PA."
Dolphins kicker Jay Feely remembers his trips to Britain as a schoolboy 'soccer' star with great affection. "I've never had any serious injuries. I've broken a collar bone, a forearm, a bunch of fingers. Other than that, I'm fine."
Dolphins' defensive end Jason Taylor tells BBC's Inside Sport about his minor niggles.
Cesc Fabregas reveals his Homer Simpson fitness philosophy to the Sun... and it seems to be working. "Rangers did not want to play soccer. They practised, from the first moment, anti-soccer."
Lionel Messi ups the anti, following Barcelona's 0-0 draw at Ibrox. "When you have a bad day at the office, you come to Southend."
Martin Jol indulges in some seaside therapy as he watches Southend v Carlisle. "I couldn't find London on a map if they didn't have the names of the countries. I swear to God. I don't know what nothing is. I know Italy looks like a boot. I know (Washington Redskins linebacker) London Fletcher. We did a football camp together. So I know him. That's the closest thing I know to London. He's black, so I'm sure he's not from London. I'm sure that's a coincidental name."
Miami Dolphins linebacker Channing Crowder ahead of the clash with the New York Giants at Wembley. Americans - gotta love 'em. "We went to a Celtic game and got stuff thrown at us and booed because we had beaten their youth team and they announced it over the PA."
Dolphins kicker Jay Feely remembers his trips to Britain as a schoolboy 'soccer' star with great affection. "I've never had any serious injuries. I've broken a collar bone, a forearm, a bunch of fingers. Other than that, I'm fine."
Dolphins' defensive end Jason Taylor tells BBC's Inside Sport about his minor niggles.
"We felt we should have got something out of the game. If it wasn't one point, certainly two."
Things don't add up for Wigan manager Chris Hutchings after the 3-2 defeat at Birmingham. "I've been told he sometimes goes without scoring for a spell, then he will get six in a patch - so I'm looking forward to a patch!"
Everton manager David Moyes believes no-one is a patch on Yakubu. "If I could have a pound a shirt, I could get a new car!"
West Ham midfielder Mark Noble on being the highest shirt-seller in the club shop. Just for the record, 7,000 shirts will get him a Smart Car, while he'll need to shift a mere 170,000 for the new Lamborghini Murcielago. "There are times when they look telepathic and there are times when they look as if they haven't met each other before."
Watford boss Adrian Boothroyd on the Jekyll-and-Hyde relationship between strikers Marlon King and Darius Henderson. "It just hit me. I don't know if it was my chest - it might have been my 32-year-old beer belly!"
Reading defender Michael Duberry has a bit of tummy trouble after putting through his own net against Newcastle. "I gave Longy a big kiss in the changing room. I don't know if his girlfriend's going to be happy with that big love bite on his neck, but that was me!"
Duberry pays lip service to Shane Long for getting him off the hook by scoring the winner. AND SOME FROM YOU
Things don't add up for Wigan manager Chris Hutchings after the 3-2 defeat at Birmingham. "I've been told he sometimes goes without scoring for a spell, then he will get six in a patch - so I'm looking forward to a patch!"
Everton manager David Moyes believes no-one is a patch on Yakubu. "If I could have a pound a shirt, I could get a new car!"
West Ham midfielder Mark Noble on being the highest shirt-seller in the club shop. Just for the record, 7,000 shirts will get him a Smart Car, while he'll need to shift a mere 170,000 for the new Lamborghini Murcielago. "There are times when they look telepathic and there are times when they look as if they haven't met each other before."
Watford boss Adrian Boothroyd on the Jekyll-and-Hyde relationship between strikers Marlon King and Darius Henderson. "It just hit me. I don't know if it was my chest - it might have been my 32-year-old beer belly!"
Reading defender Michael Duberry has a bit of tummy trouble after putting through his own net against Newcastle. "I gave Longy a big kiss in the changing room. I don't know if his girlfriend's going to be happy with that big love bite on his neck, but that was me!"
Duberry pays lip service to Shane Long for getting him off the hook by scoring the winner. AND SOME FROM YOU
"Robbie Fowler - he's quality for 60 minutes, but in the final 30, Pauline Fowler would be fitter!"
Commentator, BBC West Midlands. (Kevin Flitt, Wolverhampton). "I really worry about Middlesbrough. If I didn't think there were three teams worse than them, I would say they would be relegated this season."
Mark Lawrenson. (Paul, UK). "Watching Liverpool tonight was like having sex with your secretary and your wife turning up."
Craig Howarth, via text to BBC website. "If watching Arsenal last night was like making love to a beautiful woman, and watching Rangers like losing your virginity, watching both English teams tonight will be like making love with the wife: not overly exciting but you know what you're getting."
Bob McInroy, in Glasgow, via text to BBC website. (Prince Dornu-Leiku, Ghana). "Should Theo Walcott play for England week in, week out?"
Tim Lovejoy on the 606 podcast. Wow, so England are playing every week now?! (Charles Dassonville, Finland). "I think we should get someone English, someone like Mark Hughes."
A Spurs fan after Martin Jol's departure. Er, isn't Mark Hughes Welsh? (Adam, England). "I'm surprised that Sunderland are wearing their famous red and white striped shirts, despite the potential colour clash with West Ham's claret and blue."
From Sky Sports commentary before the West Ham-Sunderland game. (Kevin Borras, United Kingdom). "I used to think my name was 'Stop The Cross!', I heard it so much."
Lee Dixon on MOTD2. (Chris Avery, England).
Commentator, BBC West Midlands. (Kevin Flitt, Wolverhampton). "I really worry about Middlesbrough. If I didn't think there were three teams worse than them, I would say they would be relegated this season."
Mark Lawrenson. (Paul, UK). "Watching Liverpool tonight was like having sex with your secretary and your wife turning up."
Craig Howarth, via text to BBC website. "If watching Arsenal last night was like making love to a beautiful woman, and watching Rangers like losing your virginity, watching both English teams tonight will be like making love with the wife: not overly exciting but you know what you're getting."
Bob McInroy, in Glasgow, via text to BBC website. (Prince Dornu-Leiku, Ghana). "Should Theo Walcott play for England week in, week out?"
Tim Lovejoy on the 606 podcast. Wow, so England are playing every week now?! (Charles Dassonville, Finland). "I think we should get someone English, someone like Mark Hughes."
A Spurs fan after Martin Jol's departure. Er, isn't Mark Hughes Welsh? (Adam, England). "I'm surprised that Sunderland are wearing their famous red and white striped shirts, despite the potential colour clash with West Ham's claret and blue."
From Sky Sports commentary before the West Ham-Sunderland game. (Kevin Borras, United Kingdom). "I used to think my name was 'Stop The Cross!', I heard it so much."
Lee Dixon on MOTD2. (Chris Avery, England).
"I remember, before we beat Chelsea a couple of years ago, I said that if we can put a man on the moon, we can beat Chelsea. If you believe they put a man on the moon then anything is possible."
Gareth Southgate comes over all REM ahead of the game with Chelsea. (Gareth, England). He was no doubt adopting the mantra 'Everybody Hurts' after Boro's 2-0 defeat. Ed. "The sun's in their eyes this half, but I'm sure it won't be in the second."
Commentator during the Huddersfield-Oldham match. (Mike Farrimond, England). "They are a fantastic side, with great individual players, but the desire and the work rate got us over the winning line."
Rangers midfielder Kevin Thomson after his side's goalless draw with Barcelona. I'm sure it felt like a win, Kev! (Dean Moran, Manchester). "Liverpool are going to have to start getting results if they're going to start winning."
Andy Townsend after Liverpool's embarrassing Champions League defeat. (Stuart Nugent, Carlisle). "He's not quick. He's fast. Very fast."
Graham Taylor talking about Agbonlahor during the Aston Villa-Man Utd game. (John Thompson, England). "Every man out there with a red shirt on has an attacking intent, except for Van der Sar, who has got a green shirt on."
Clive Tyldesley commentating on Manchester United v Dynamo Kiev. (Henry, Essex). "Manchester are literally slicing up Kiev here."
David Pleat during the same match. (Gavin, Wales).
Gareth Southgate comes over all REM ahead of the game with Chelsea. (Gareth, England). He was no doubt adopting the mantra 'Everybody Hurts' after Boro's 2-0 defeat. Ed. "The sun's in their eyes this half, but I'm sure it won't be in the second."
Commentator during the Huddersfield-Oldham match. (Mike Farrimond, England). "They are a fantastic side, with great individual players, but the desire and the work rate got us over the winning line."
Rangers midfielder Kevin Thomson after his side's goalless draw with Barcelona. I'm sure it felt like a win, Kev! (Dean Moran, Manchester). "Liverpool are going to have to start getting results if they're going to start winning."
Andy Townsend after Liverpool's embarrassing Champions League defeat. (Stuart Nugent, Carlisle). "He's not quick. He's fast. Very fast."
Graham Taylor talking about Agbonlahor during the Aston Villa-Man Utd game. (John Thompson, England). "Every man out there with a red shirt on has an attacking intent, except for Van der Sar, who has got a green shirt on."
Clive Tyldesley commentating on Manchester United v Dynamo Kiev. (Henry, Essex). "Manchester are literally slicing up Kiev here."
David Pleat during the same match. (Gavin, Wales).
Jonathan Ross: "What do you think of the disparity in football these days?"
Kelly Smith: "What's disparity mean?"
England striker Kelly Smith living up to the footballer stereotype on the Jonathan Ross show. (Dom Maxwell, UK). "Percentage-wise, you'll probably only pot those two times out of 10."
Dennis Taylor during snooker's Grand Prix final. That'll be 20%, then. (Matt, England). "I don't know who was slower to respond - the Wembley Stadium security or the Dolphins defence!"
Arlo White on the tackling of the streaker at the American football match in London. (Stephen F, UK). "I can't fault the players, but their heads went down too easily after the goal."
Billy Davies not faulting his players after Derby lost... again. (Anon). CHANTS OF THE WEEK "What's that coming over the hill - 10-point deduction, 10-point deduction."
Colchester fans to Coventry regarding their lack of money. (Tom, Essex). "6-0 - even Sheva scored!"
Chelsea fans after the thrashing of Man City. (Layla, UK). 'We love you, Bolton, we do..."
Leicester fans celebrate the departure of Gary Megson during the Barnsley match. (Jake, England).
Kelly Smith: "What's disparity mean?"
England striker Kelly Smith living up to the footballer stereotype on the Jonathan Ross show. (Dom Maxwell, UK). "Percentage-wise, you'll probably only pot those two times out of 10."
Dennis Taylor during snooker's Grand Prix final. That'll be 20%, then. (Matt, England). "I don't know who was slower to respond - the Wembley Stadium security or the Dolphins defence!"
Arlo White on the tackling of the streaker at the American football match in London. (Stephen F, UK). "I can't fault the players, but their heads went down too easily after the goal."
Billy Davies not faulting his players after Derby lost... again. (Anon). CHANTS OF THE WEEK "What's that coming over the hill - 10-point deduction, 10-point deduction."
Colchester fans to Coventry regarding their lack of money. (Tom, Essex). "6-0 - even Sheva scored!"
Chelsea fans after the thrashing of Man City. (Layla, UK). 'We love you, Bolton, we do..."
Leicester fans celebrate the departure of Gary Megson during the Barnsley match. (Jake, England).
"We hate Coca-Cola, We hate Fanta too, Cos we're the Tartan Army, And we love Irn Bru!"
Scotland fans watching Georgia game in a student bar in Aberdeen. (Ross G, Scotland). "You're the worst town in England!"
Chelsea fans at the Riverside after Middlesbrough was voted the worst place to live. (Tom, Salisbury). "Are you Tottenham in disguise?"
Arsenal fans after putting seven past Slavia Prague. (Matt, England). "There's only one Peter Taylor."
Palace fans after they went 3-1 down to Stoke in Neil Warnock's first home game in charge. (Chris, UK). "Lino, Lino!"
Colchester fans when it was announced over the tannoy that a pair of glasses had been handed in. (Kieran Savill and Rob Lewarne). "3-1 to the goldfish bowl!"
Newcastle fans to ex-player Jermaine Jenas, who said living in the north-east was like living in a goldfish bowl. (Jordan Clough, England). "You dirty Northern ********!"
Plymouth fans to Charlton. (David Rogers, England). "Are we England in disguise?"
My Scottish wife chanting during the Georgia-Scotland game. (Richard Evans, UK). "If Mills can play for England, so can I!"
Wolves fans to Charlton's Danny Mills. (Joe Williams, England). "You're not singing any more."
Wolves fans to Charlton.
"We weren't singing anyway!"
Charlton's response. (David Payne, England). "You can stick your flat-pack wardrobes up your ****!"
Northern Ireland fans v Sweden. (Gareth Todd, Northern Ireland). STADIUM ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE WEEK "Can the owner of a Ford Ka, registration XXXXXX, please return to your vehicle, as it is insecure."
Announcer at the Peterborough-Hereford game. Perhaps it needed some reassurance? (Nick Edwards, UK). BANNER OF THE WEEK "Dhoni, please cut your hair, my salon isn't working!"
Seen on a banner in the 20-20 game between India and Australia in Mumbai. (Dhruv P, UK).
Scotland fans watching Georgia game in a student bar in Aberdeen. (Ross G, Scotland). "You're the worst town in England!"
Chelsea fans at the Riverside after Middlesbrough was voted the worst place to live. (Tom, Salisbury). "Are you Tottenham in disguise?"
Arsenal fans after putting seven past Slavia Prague. (Matt, England). "There's only one Peter Taylor."
Palace fans after they went 3-1 down to Stoke in Neil Warnock's first home game in charge. (Chris, UK). "Lino, Lino!"
Colchester fans when it was announced over the tannoy that a pair of glasses had been handed in. (Kieran Savill and Rob Lewarne). "3-1 to the goldfish bowl!"
Newcastle fans to ex-player Jermaine Jenas, who said living in the north-east was like living in a goldfish bowl. (Jordan Clough, England). "You dirty Northern ********!"
Plymouth fans to Charlton. (David Rogers, England). "Are we England in disguise?"
My Scottish wife chanting during the Georgia-Scotland game. (Richard Evans, UK). "If Mills can play for England, so can I!"
Wolves fans to Charlton's Danny Mills. (Joe Williams, England). "You're not singing any more."
Wolves fans to Charlton.
"We weren't singing anyway!"
Charlton's response. (David Payne, England). "You can stick your flat-pack wardrobes up your ****!"
Northern Ireland fans v Sweden. (Gareth Todd, Northern Ireland). STADIUM ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE WEEK "Can the owner of a Ford Ka, registration XXXXXX, please return to your vehicle, as it is insecure."
Announcer at the Peterborough-Hereford game. Perhaps it needed some reassurance? (Nick Edwards, UK). BANNER OF THE WEEK "Dhoni, please cut your hair, my salon isn't working!"
Seen on a banner in the 20-20 game between India and Australia in Mumbai. (Dhruv P, UK).
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Source: BBC Sport
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