LIVE TEXT COMMENTARY (all times GMT)
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By Tom Fordyce
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SOUTH AFRICA SECOND INNINGS
0932: SA 353-3
We'll have some Swanny now, the new ball still only an hour old - full toss as AB advances, slogged into the leg-side for a single. Kallis tickles one more away past Cook at forward short leg. De Villiers has his already short sleeves neatly rolled up to reveal further bicep. If he were Michael Madsen, he'd have a packet of fags tucked under the folds. And probably an ever-expanding paunch, going on Madsen's recent work. *** start of Patrick section *** Patrick - you still on the bus? *** end of Patrick section ***
We'll have some Swanny now, the new ball still only an hour old - full toss as AB advances, slogged into the leg-side for a single. Kallis tickles one more away past Cook at forward short leg. De Villiers has his already short sleeves neatly rolled up to reveal further bicep. If he were Michael Madsen, he'd have a packet of fags tucked under the folds. And probably an ever-expanding paunch, going on Madsen's recent work. *** start of Patrick section *** Patrick - you still on the bus? *** end of Patrick section ***
From Dave, TMS inbox: "I made it to the office today, admittedly it was made somewhat less onerous by the fact that I work from home. Still had to negotiate a flight of stairs a potentially slippy hall rug and a door though, so I feel justified in joining Harry basking in the Bulldog Spirit."
0926: SA 349-3
Glimpse of KP there at gully, his Brentesque goatee well-tended under his dark blue cap and impenetrable shades - not been his match so far, and without a ton to his name in the series so far, he'll be dreaming of blades of glory to save adopted bacon over the next few days *** start of Patrick section *** Who knew that elephants could tap-dance? *** end of Patrick section ***
Glimpse of KP there at gully, his Brentesque goatee well-tended under his dark blue cap and impenetrable shades - not been his match so far, and without a ton to his name in the series so far, he'll be dreaming of blades of glory to save adopted bacon over the next few days *** start of Patrick section *** Who knew that elephants could tap-dance? *** end of Patrick section ***
From Mark, Brighton, TMS inbox: "Climbed two hills, on my bike, faced a blizzard on the seafront and was only called an idiot by one taxi driver, bless him. I too have the sanctuary of live text and empty office to nurse me through the snow, which is good as getting home might be a bit more difficult, C'mon on England...if the Aussies can do it."
0921: SA 349-3
That's put the brakes on a little - Stuart Broad gets the nod from Skipper Strauss, and that's steady-eddie Hemmings from the blond marauder - just a single leaked as AB gets his eye in. *** start of Patrick section *** An elephant on the pitch? Remarkable enough by itself, but on a unicycle? *** end of Patrick section ***
That's put the brakes on a little - Stuart Broad gets the nod from Skipper Strauss, and that's steady-eddie Hemmings from the blond marauder - just a single leaked as AB gets his eye in. *** start of Patrick section *** An elephant on the pitch? Remarkable enough by itself, but on a unicycle? *** end of Patrick section ***
A little more about the
ball-tampering furore
I mentioned earlier on. Colleague's done a full news story. Hats off.
0916: SA 346-3
Wonderful skipper's knock by Smith, and he waves his bat to all quarters as he trudges off. Hello - replays seem to indicate that Onions no-balled by a clear two inches on that one. Retro-referral, anyone? AB De Villiers the new man in. *** start of Patrick section *** triple breakthrough! Now it's Onion's turn to bag his first Test hat-trick. I can't believe my eyes *** end of Patrick section ***
Wonderful skipper's knock by Smith, and he waves his bat to all quarters as he trudges off. Hello - replays seem to indicate that Onions no-balled by a clear two inches on that one. Retro-referral, anyone? AB De Villiers the new man in. *** start of Patrick section *** triple breakthrough! Now it's Onion's turn to bag his first Test hat-trick. I can't believe my eyes *** end of Patrick section ***
From Simon Jeavons, TMS inbox: "Re. Harry 0857: I made it in despite willing the 511 Shrewsbury to Hadnall bus service to be cancelled….what happened to the good old days when 3 inches of snow bought the country to its knees????"
0912: WICKET Smith c Collingwood b Onions 183, SA 346-3
Short, lift - swung away, high and top-edgy by Smith, Colly running round underneath it at long leg - bagged! *** start of Patrick section *** do we need a Patrick section in this over? *** end of Patrick section ***
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Short, lift - swung away, high and top-edgy by Smith, Colly running round underneath it at long leg - bagged! *** start of Patrick section *** do we need a Patrick section in this over? *** end of Patrick section ***
0908: SA 346-2
The fun starts here - now it's Kallis's turn to go all King Vivi, leaning back and slapping merrily over cover for four more. Patrick - below - I'll do an alternative version for you. *** start of Patrick section *** Incredible scenes - Anderson's first Test hat-trick, and England are right back in this *** end of Patrick section ***
The fun starts here - now it's Kallis's turn to go all King Vivi, leaning back and slapping merrily over cover for four more. Patrick - below - I'll do an alternative version for you. *** start of Patrick section *** Incredible scenes - Anderson's first Test hat-trick, and England are right back in this *** end of Patrick section ***
From Patrick, seat on the bus, London, TMS inbox: "Tom, we'd believe anything you write. Could you 'spice' this up a bit?"
0904: SA 336-2
I'm hearing that we might have more technical issues here. Woe, woe is us. Cancel trains, by all means - close schools, abandon articulated lorries on the middle of motorways, but monkey with the live text? Some people. Smash - Smith crashes a brutal cover drive high over the infield for the boundary that takes him to 182.
I'm hearing that we might have more technical issues here. Woe, woe is us. Cancel trains, by all means - close schools, abandon articulated lorries on the middle of motorways, but monkey with the live text? Some people. Smash - Smith crashes a brutal cover drive high over the infield for the boundary that takes him to 182.
From Harry, in the Home Counties, TMS inbox: "As the only person in my office to make in through the blizzard I am celebrating. Heating on full - Live Text on the projection screen - Give me a Castle Lager and I may as well be in Cape Town! Has anyone else in made it to the office today or am I the only one?"
0857: SA 332-2
Super over from Onions, that - getting right in close to the umpire, whirling away with that whippy action of his, and Smith is finally in trouble - fencing at one run across him, jabbing down on one that comes back and escaping with a ell bee shout that might just have been going a touch high.
Super over from Onions, that - getting right in close to the umpire, whirling away with that whippy action of his, and Smith is finally in trouble - fencing at one run across him, jabbing down on one that comes back and escaping with a ell bee shout that might just have been going a touch high.
0852: SA 332-2
Bright blue sky overhead, green-leaved trees swaying gently around the boundary edge, Table Mountain glowering in the background - it's no Racecourse Ground, Derby, but it'll do a job. Tight and full from Anderson - just a single off that, but the new-ball overs are ticking away...
Bright blue sky overhead, green-leaved trees swaying gently around the boundary edge, Table Mountain glowering in the background - it's no Racecourse Ground, Derby, but it'll do a job. Tight and full from Anderson - just a single off that, but the new-ball overs are ticking away...
0847: SA 331-2
If you're just waking up, two things: (a) what time do you call this, there's snowballs to be thrown, and (b) you don't want to know what Australia did to Pakistan overnight. 9-1 they were for the victory. I know. Onions to Kallis, and that's a dreamy shot - slight strayer onto the pads, but he's drilled that effortlessly between midwicket and mid-on. Lead to 349.
If you're just waking up, two things: (a) what time do you call this, there's snowballs to be thrown, and (b) you don't want to know what Australia did to Pakistan overnight. 9-1 they were for the victory. I know. Onions to Kallis, and that's a dreamy shot - slight strayer onto the pads, but he's drilled that effortlessly between midwicket and mid-on. Lead to 349.
From David, Gloucester, TMS inbox: "….if the Enger-Land bowlers have been ball-tampering then they aren't very good at it - what was it yesterday? 300 runs & 2 wickets….."
0843: SA 325-2
Smith's not messing about here - smashing slashing cut past point for four, a fuller one driven with muscular power through cover for two to Cook on the sweep and then - wooh - four more, this time streakily off the outside edge past a despairing Bell at backward point. Few fears in the track, but then there didn't seem to be any in Durban last week before South Africa came in for their second innings, did there?
Smith's not messing about here - smashing slashing cut past point for four, a fuller one driven with muscular power through cover for two to Cook on the sweep and then - wooh - four more, this time streakily off the outside edge past a despairing Bell at backward point. Few fears in the track, but then there didn't seem to be any in Durban last week before South Africa came in for their second innings, did there?
0837: SA 315-2
What do we think South Africa will declare on here? Lead of 400? 450? I'm thinking the latter - Smith to his double ton, England ground into the dirt... Mind you, Graham Onions has other thoughts - two doozies past Smith's outside edge, and the cherry is chatting like a canary this morning.
What do we think South Africa will declare on here? Lead of 400? 450? I'm thinking the latter - Smith to his double ton, England ground into the dirt... Mind you, Graham Onions has other thoughts - two doozies past Smith's outside edge, and the cherry is chatting like a canary this morning.
0833: SA 314-2
Here we go - James Anderson, new ball in hand, Graeme Smith on 162 not out, Jacques Kallis on 21 - singles, jabbed down into the leg-side. Oof - absolute ripper from Anderson, angling in to Kallis and then jagging away off the track to leave the mighty-armed batsman poking at thin air.
Here we go - James Anderson, new ball in hand, Graeme Smith on 162 not out, Jacques Kallis on 21 - singles, jabbed down into the leg-side. Oof - absolute ripper from Anderson, angling in to Kallis and then jagging away off the track to leave the mighty-armed batsman poking at thin air.
0823: Mind you, there is a bit of a stink in the air - allegations of ball-tampering against James Anderson to go with the whinges about Stuart Broad standing on the ball on Tuesday. Breaking news is that there will be no official complaint from the South African team, although some ex-pros in the ground think the damage has already been done by the unofficial complaints.
0815: Cape Town? Scorchio. There'll be snow no-drifts - I'm sorry, no snow drifts - to save England's bacon at Newlands today.
0800: And so they came, one by one, across the snowy wastes - small figures, wrapped in blankets, struggling through the knee-deep drifts, sometimes falling, sometimes faltering, but forever pressing onwards, for they had but one aim - to get to the office in time to do the text commenta... actually, it wasn't that hard, was it?
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